Friday, March 18, 2005
The Glamour of Being a Pilot
We've all seen those romantic images of The Pilot: a square-jawed broad-shouldered guy stands tall, gazing up into the sky with a determined look on his face. He's wearing a leather jacket with a silk scarf blowing in the wind, or wearing a crisp military-style uniform. The standard images are of tall strong men, but there are also beautiful female pilots with form-hugging uniforms. In fictional settings, pilots always look cool.
The reality is a lot different. While wearing a radio headset, a pilot looks a little like Princess Leia. While wearing a full helmet, a military pilot looks like a bobble-head doll. Notice that when George W. Bush landed on that aircraft carrier, he took off the helmet as soon as possible - he didn't want to look like Dukakis did in that tank.
Then there are the sunglasses. All pilots wear sunglasses, for good reason, and a lot of pilots think they look good in them. I think people usually look ridiculous in sunglasses. Sure, they look good on Val Kilmer and Peta Wilson in the Serengeti ads, but most of us just look like bug-eyed aliens. I went for practical sunglasses that are large, so they look extra ridiculous but give me a good field of view. Many other pilots, particularly the younger ones, wear those narrow Neo-in-the-Matrix styles, which I don't think are any good except for looking cool. Young professional pilots all complain about living in poverty, but they've all got a couple of hundred-dollar pairs of sunglasses.
Pilots of big jets get fairly comfortable surroundings, but the average small-plane cockpit is worse than a seat in the Coach section. With feet squeezed into the tiny area where the rudder pedals are, and knees up around the chin, a pilot enjoys all the glamour of a gynecological exam.
If anyone can tell me a graceful way to get into or out of a Piper Warrior, I'd appreciate it. Imagine Bo and Luke Duke both entering or exiting the General Lee through the passenger-side window.
So being a pilot makes you uncomfortable and makes you look stupid. Let's keep that our little secret - I'm still hoping to impress attractive members of the opposite sex with the mystique of saying "Yeah, I'm a pilot."
