Sunday, March 27, 2005
For the past three weeks, I've only been working three days a week. This has been great. I work Mondays, Tuesday, and Thursdays. I find that I'm not as pissed off when I go home as I was when I was working five days per week.
The flying lessons help a lot. Work seems trivial in comparison to the effort needed to learn to fly. I now see my job as just a source of income needed to support my dream of becoming a pilot, so all the frustrations associated with work just don't bother me much. I'm working just to pay for the flying lessons.
I know that someday I'll need to go back to full-time work. probably after the flying lessons are complete and I decide I need to buy my own airplane. I haven't really figured out yet what I want from a full-time job. It would be nice if all the improvements my boss promises come true, so that I can stay with my current employer, but I'm considering the possibility that I'll need to move on. I need a job where I can feel I'm being productive, and where I can feel like I'm involved in the decisions being made. Right now, I feel very unproductive, and I had to remove myself from the decision-making processes to maintain my sanity.
The boss is happy to leave me with a three-day-per-week schedule for a few months, so I've got some time to figure out what I really want to do. In some ways, this is the best job I've ever had. However, I know I'll eventually want to get back into the thick of things, which will both increase my unhappiness but build my motivation. I don't like being a "part-time" employee, and I know going back to full-time will make me feel more "complete," but I also know full-time work will increase the frustrations. I want more work, but I know more work will drive me crazy. I don't want to be "just a programmer," but I know that more responsibility will make me unhappy. I don't know how to resolve these contradictions.
Maybe a oouple more glasses of bourbon will help.